Thoughts of A Single Mom

As I grow, learn, and change

High Mommy Expectations

on August 22, 2012

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I realize that the expectations I put on myself as a mom are so high that I can’t help but disappoint myself.  Every illness he gets, i think its my fault.  Every illness I get, my first reaction is to worry if he will get it.  I want to make him a wel rounded guy that has seen or been exposed to as many things ass possible.  I need to realize that all he really wants is me.  

I had a boil on my knee and I freaked out.  Was it something I did?  Is my house not clean enough? Could I pass something on to him?  Luckily I’m very open and candid with my doctor and she told me to relax that no mother can stop everything no matter how hard she tried.  That feeling like i have to fix it or protect him from the world is what causes a great deal of my anxiety.  Plus I do still have some post partum.  Go figure.

I know eing a single mom makes me feel like I have to over compensate for being the only parent.  I try to make sure he does something fun just about every day.  Days it doesn’t happen (like today as I don’t feel so good with a jacked up knee) I feel guilty like i’m depriving him of some way.

My ideals as a mom was to give tons of love, let him know how loved, important, special and wanted he is.  I want him to feel secure in himself and in who he is.  I want him to say he has traveled and had family vacations.  i want him to be smart and enjoy school.  I want him to understand that there is a higher being (he can choose his own religion as he gets older).  I want him to respect everyone else and their choices even if they don’t line up with what he feels.  I want him to be a free thinker and I never wanna hear that I’m a mean mommy.  I want him to always have positive thoughts of me.  Tall order I know and I need to just be happy knowing that he is a happy little boy and we are in the place we need to be at this time.  

I’m so determined to right some of the wrongs of my childhood that I’m creating wrongs for his childhood. I’m going to just relax and enjoy the moment.  He brings me so much joy and he makes my heart sing that I don’t want to miss a minute of his journey.  I have to get my anxiety and fear in check so that I can not only be a physical presence but also an emotional and mental presence as well. 

Is there such a thing as the perfect mother?


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